It's hard to imagine anyone wringing anything positive from this tale of woe, but Miller does. This story – like all of the stories – is long and winding, but the upshot is that Miller spent great chunks of her childhood bedridden and in pain. "I was born with a terrible birth defect, and doctors thought I was making it up, that I was very clever and found a way to stay out of school for eight weeks at a time." "We'll start at the beginning," she says with a bright rah-rah jolliness as I settle into a seat at her local Dunkin' Donuts on Manhattan's Upper West Side for our first meeting. One thing you quickly appreciate about Susan Miller, America's most popular astrologer, is how relentlessly upbeat she sounds, even (and perhaps especially) when delivering earth-shattering news. "This is even worse – we've not had this since the American Revolution." "Some people feel the stock market is…" She pauses for such a long beat that I offer to complete her sentence: "…going to crash?" She shakes her head. "Look, we have a perfect square on 15 April – 15 April! You've got Jupiter at 12, and Uranus at 13, and Pluto at 13, and Mars at 16 – but wait! It's going to get a little bit worse." She furrows her brow while she studies the chart. "April's so scary that I'm giving classes on it," she says, tracing a series of points on her impossibly complicated astrology chart.
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